It was an uncomfortable night, I still couldn't take the passage away from my head. It was stuck their as if it was glued to my head. My dream woke me. It was Sunday morning and the sun shone in my room. Everything seemed to happen so fast, Saturday, the girl, the book and the passage. On Friday I was randomly chosen to represent the school for an oratorical speech. Everything seemed to be happening to me, It didn't make sense at all.
The Oratorical Speech was this evening.I got ready to go to, but I remembered something. I didn't make or even practice my speech. I was screwed, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't tell Doctor T that I didn't have a speech ready but it was too late. He picked me up on that day, he even picked up Eve, he knew that she was my best friend, I guess he also knew that I needed support.
"You ready Josh?" He asked me, he gave me a look, I could definitely tell that he knew I didn't have anything done. I though for a while, I looked at Eve, she smiled at me, I smiled back, there was something about her smile that comforted me, I felt more confident over myself.
"Um...yes sir, I'm ready" I answered.
"So Josh," Eve said, still smiling at me, "you nervous?"
"Hell yeah, course I am." I said.
"Well, Tell us what you have so far." Doctor Taggart said.
"Ahhh... just wait till get there." I answered back.
It was a pretty long trip, I wouldn't expect the meet to be at the Convention Centre, it must have been something big. When we came in, there was a mass of people. Near the end of the hall was a stage, I counted the seats, they probably for the speakers. There was about 20 of them. It wasn't a lot. I was told to go to backstage, which I did, but I had Eve to come with me. Backstage I saw a lot of students there, some were my age and some were older. Left and right you can see them re-reading their piece in their head, some we're saying it to other students, but there was one particular boy that me and Eve seemed to have noticed. He wasn't with the crowd of student. He was by himself in the corner.
"Josh, Let's go talk to that kid, he seems alone." Eve said, looking all sad.
Seems alone, I thought to myself, He is alone, but politely we did go to him.
"Hey there," I said, "What's up, I'm Josh."
"Hi, I'm Eve." Eve said, holding out a hand.
The boy turned around, he looked like our age, about my height. He turned around, he looked tired, afriad. His eye's didn't meet ours, instead he was looking at around.
"Oh-hi there. I-I'm...Jeremiah." he stuttered.
"Nice to meet you Jeremiah." Eve said and she shook his hand.
"How come your all by yourself? Why aren't you with the others?" I asked him.
"Uhh...It's nothing, I'm used to being alone. I like being alone."
It was time now, they called for all the speakers. Everyone went out, Jeremiah was waiting for everyone to go out, so was I. He stared at me, I knew he wanted me to go out first, I did and he followed. It didn't matter anyways because they already chose to see how will speak first. I was second, as for Jeremiah. He was first. Eveyone stared at him and slowly he walked towards the podium. He had no paper to read off from, just like me, it took him a while to settle, he looked very nervous, you could tell from the look of his face. When he got there, of course, what would you expect from someone who was as nervous as Jeremiah? I mean, wouldn't you stutter or even leave the stage and run away? What do you think he did?
I guess its always nice to be alone, gives you a time to reflect. Everything is everywhere. Nothing ever exist being entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else. He was never alone, not once and we both knew that, but he chose not to know that he had that knowledge. There was only one thing he needed to recognize, just one thing to make him complete. He wanted recognition, he wanted to be noticed. He wanted a sense of belonging. I guess I figured something else, It was similar to a book I once read. I had to do something for Jeremiah, but I didn't know how.
I looked up at the audience, then to Jeremiah, he was sweating, looking more worried, he was staring at someone at the audience, I figured it was his father. Since only parents and guardians were allowed to sit at the front row, I figured that since Jeremiah was the only asian, aside from me, but since none of my parents came, I noticed that he was staring at his father. His father looked strict and tough, you wouldn't want to cross him. But his stare scared the living hell out of Jeremiah, and Jeremiah ran off. Everyone was astonished, some poeple were standing off wondering where he could have went, some of the co-ordinators ran after him, some of the contestants were just whispering to the people beside them, I looked at his father he still kept the same face. I shooked my head in disappointed and I ran off to look for Jeremiah. Eve and Doctor T saw me and decided to follow. I met them backstage, the co-ordinators were there but Jeremiah was not in sight. I went outside and went looking for him. I guess I knew what to do now.
"Josh where do you think he went?" Eve asked.
I shook my head. " I don't know Eve," I looked at Docotr T,"sir do you think we could look for the kid?"
"I guess there's no problem with that, I'll just go talk to the co-ordinators and ask them to give you a later time. Now go Josh. Go with him Eve." he answered.
"Thanks sir." and Eve and I ran off.
It took us a while to figure out where he could have went, He shouldn't have went far, we didn't know him well so we didn't know where to start and find him. All we did was follow our instincts and in my mind, I thought about what Jeremiahs father was doing, he was still probably sitting (typical strict asian parents) he knew his child better than we did, I guess maybe Jeremiah would come back in a while.
28.3.09
Chapter 2||The Black Book
I stared blankly at the girl sitting on the curb in front of my house. It seemed wierd, but for some reason, I was getting this feeling that I should talk to her. I walked slowly towards her. The rain falling down on my head, I was really wet, but still, I walk there. I was bemused at the sight. Why would anyone just sit there at the curb, especially since if their in front of my house. I was their, looking down at her.
"You finally arrived. What took you so long Josh?" Her voice was cold, yet so soft that it could beguile someone who is lost in their own thoughts. She then looked up at me. Her face was pale, her eyes were black, but you can see the peace in them, hypnotizing you with deception.
"Who are you?" my voice was calm, I wasn't afraid, however I wasn't happy either. I felt revelation in her presence.
"My name doesn't matter right now, maybe someday, but I have something to give you Josh, it's very important." her voice sounded serious now, her eyes were teary.
She held out a book, it was black. All black. No title, no author. Just a plain black book. It looked more like a journal or a diary if you ask me. I took my hands out of my jacket pocket and took the book from her. The book was uncanny, very strange. It didn't get wet at all, it stayed dry. I opened the book and saw nothing on the pages. I looked at each and every page, the book was thick and the pages looked old, but nothing was in it. I closed the book.
"What the hell...There's nothing in this book?" The wind blew hard and the rain fell harder, but the girl was gone. She was like an ebb on land, disappearing with the rain. When I got inside, no one was home. the rain stopped and the sun shone bright. I went into my room and placed the book down on my desk.
It was 6:00 in the evening. The phone rang. Of course I picked up the phone. I recognized the voice. It was the girl.
"Did you read Josh?" She said but before I could have answered back, she hunged up the phone. Then I heard a bang upstair, and quickly i ran upstair to see what it was. I saw my door open, I looked in and saw my window was open. The black book was on the floor. Open and faced down. I picked it up and went to the front page. There was a message. I rcognized the message it. It was a passage. A Bible passage.
"The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately wicked: who can know it?"
Jeremiah 17:9
I contemplated on the message. I didn't know what it meant, or where it was trying to lead me. I knew it was all up to me to figure it out. But where to start was the question I had to ask myself.
"You finally arrived. What took you so long Josh?" Her voice was cold, yet so soft that it could beguile someone who is lost in their own thoughts. She then looked up at me. Her face was pale, her eyes were black, but you can see the peace in them, hypnotizing you with deception.
"Who are you?" my voice was calm, I wasn't afraid, however I wasn't happy either. I felt revelation in her presence.
"My name doesn't matter right now, maybe someday, but I have something to give you Josh, it's very important." her voice sounded serious now, her eyes were teary.
She held out a book, it was black. All black. No title, no author. Just a plain black book. It looked more like a journal or a diary if you ask me. I took my hands out of my jacket pocket and took the book from her. The book was uncanny, very strange. It didn't get wet at all, it stayed dry. I opened the book and saw nothing on the pages. I looked at each and every page, the book was thick and the pages looked old, but nothing was in it. I closed the book.
"What the hell...There's nothing in this book?" The wind blew hard and the rain fell harder, but the girl was gone. She was like an ebb on land, disappearing with the rain. When I got inside, no one was home. the rain stopped and the sun shone bright. I went into my room and placed the book down on my desk.
It was 6:00 in the evening. The phone rang. Of course I picked up the phone. I recognized the voice. It was the girl.
"Did you read Josh?" She said but before I could have answered back, she hunged up the phone. Then I heard a bang upstair, and quickly i ran upstair to see what it was. I saw my door open, I looked in and saw my window was open. The black book was on the floor. Open and faced down. I picked it up and went to the front page. There was a message. I rcognized the message it. It was a passage. A Bible passage.
"The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately wicked: who can know it?"
Jeremiah 17:9
I contemplated on the message. I didn't know what it meant, or where it was trying to lead me. I knew it was all up to me to figure it out. But where to start was the question I had to ask myself.
Chapter 1||Fear
All I had in my hand was a pencil. It's Friday Morning. In front of me is the test paper. Write an essay on what you think the speech is trying to tell its audience. It was all jumbled up in my head, I knew what to write, but I didn't know how to begin it. I guess that's how most writers start off as. I looked down on my watch, 11:45. I only have 15 minutes left, and my paper was still blank. I looked at it very carefully, scrutinizing every word.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." It was originally written by Marianne Williamson, but Nelson Mandela spoke the words with audacity on his inauguration on 1994 in South Africa, being the first coloured man to become president in that country.
As I re-read the quote I begin to wonder what it means. Finally, I knew what to write. I wrote something down, wasn't sure that I might get full marks for it, but still, my pencil scratched the paper with the word. It was already time to hand in the paper. As I stood and walked up to the teachers desk, taking a glance at the other students as I walked on by, Some had a lot to write.. I was at his desk. He stared at my paper, He looked up at me and gave me a small grin. I smiled back.
Before I walked out the door, he called out for me.
"Josh," he said, his voice was clam, yet so demanding. "stay for a bit, I need to a word with you."
"Yes, sir." I answered back. I stayed until everyone else was gone. He stood up. Walked up to the board and wrote down the word "TREPIDATION" one word that give out many meanings. Of course, at an instant I recognized the word. It was the one word on my essay paper.
He laughed, I smiled. Doctor Taggart was the english teacher of my school, he was favoured by most students, he was nice and of course he wanted the best for his students. Anyways, The word "trepidation" long yes I know, but very appropriate for my meaning on the piece.
"Josh, you are one of the most brilliant students, I taught in all my teaching career, you know that right?"
"No, sir, I'm afraid I don't."
"I can see that Josh, but trust me, with your potential you will go a long way in your life."
"Thank you, Sir...But what does that have to do with the essay?"
"I Think you already know Josh. How many students your age could have even used that word, let alone even know what the word means...I'm not saying your a super genius Josh and I'm not saying your the only one your age that knows that word,I'm saying, you think differently than most other, you're perceptive of other people and their works give you something that tells you, who you really are," He sometimes talks quite immaturely, but that's what makes us all human now. "the only reason why I purposely picked this certain piece, is to see if people get the message inside their heads."
"I see sir, but why are you only talking to me? I mean, shouldn't you talk to others as well?"
"I picked you for a reason Josh, I looked at the other peoples paper and they did not talk about the true meaning of what Nelson Mandela or what Marianne Williamson is trying to say. This Sunday Josh, I want you to attend the contest. Let's say its more like an Oratorical Contest, Josh, I want you to sign up and give a speech to the people. The topic of the speech is "Fear", and I want you to represent this school."
"But sir, I don't want to, I can't do public speaking."
"This will give you a good opportunity to face that fear. This is exactly what we're talking right now. And besides, Universities will be there, they might even consider taking you as a scholar."
I tried to protest, but it was no use. He gave out to much good points. It was settled, I had to attend the oratorical speech and speak out about what fear is. I thought to myself, it will be a good opportunity.
It was now Saturday. A day in my life that I will never forget. It was that day that I met someone, on a rainy day, down an empty road. All I saw was the houses and the raindrops dropping down on the ground, the sky was gray, the sun was gone. It was about 1:00 when I saw her, sitting on a curb. Someone who will change my ways of living. Someone who will give a definition of fear.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." It was originally written by Marianne Williamson, but Nelson Mandela spoke the words with audacity on his inauguration on 1994 in South Africa, being the first coloured man to become president in that country.
As I re-read the quote I begin to wonder what it means. Finally, I knew what to write. I wrote something down, wasn't sure that I might get full marks for it, but still, my pencil scratched the paper with the word. It was already time to hand in the paper. As I stood and walked up to the teachers desk, taking a glance at the other students as I walked on by, Some had a lot to write.. I was at his desk. He stared at my paper, He looked up at me and gave me a small grin. I smiled back.
Before I walked out the door, he called out for me.
"Josh," he said, his voice was clam, yet so demanding. "stay for a bit, I need to a word with you."
"Yes, sir." I answered back. I stayed until everyone else was gone. He stood up. Walked up to the board and wrote down the word "TREPIDATION" one word that give out many meanings. Of course, at an instant I recognized the word. It was the one word on my essay paper.
He laughed, I smiled. Doctor Taggart was the english teacher of my school, he was favoured by most students, he was nice and of course he wanted the best for his students. Anyways, The word "trepidation" long yes I know, but very appropriate for my meaning on the piece.
"Josh, you are one of the most brilliant students, I taught in all my teaching career, you know that right?"
"No, sir, I'm afraid I don't."
"I can see that Josh, but trust me, with your potential you will go a long way in your life."
"Thank you, Sir...But what does that have to do with the essay?"
"I Think you already know Josh. How many students your age could have even used that word, let alone even know what the word means...I'm not saying your a super genius Josh and I'm not saying your the only one your age that knows that word,I'm saying, you think differently than most other, you're perceptive of other people and their works give you something that tells you, who you really are," He sometimes talks quite immaturely, but that's what makes us all human now. "the only reason why I purposely picked this certain piece, is to see if people get the message inside their heads."
"I see sir, but why are you only talking to me? I mean, shouldn't you talk to others as well?"
"I picked you for a reason Josh, I looked at the other peoples paper and they did not talk about the true meaning of what Nelson Mandela or what Marianne Williamson is trying to say. This Sunday Josh, I want you to attend the contest. Let's say its more like an Oratorical Contest, Josh, I want you to sign up and give a speech to the people. The topic of the speech is "Fear", and I want you to represent this school."
"But sir, I don't want to, I can't do public speaking."
"This will give you a good opportunity to face that fear. This is exactly what we're talking right now. And besides, Universities will be there, they might even consider taking you as a scholar."
I tried to protest, but it was no use. He gave out to much good points. It was settled, I had to attend the oratorical speech and speak out about what fear is. I thought to myself, it will be a good opportunity.
It was now Saturday. A day in my life that I will never forget. It was that day that I met someone, on a rainy day, down an empty road. All I saw was the houses and the raindrops dropping down on the ground, the sky was gray, the sun was gone. It was about 1:00 when I saw her, sitting on a curb. Someone who will change my ways of living. Someone who will give a definition of fear.
18.3.09
Part One|| Short Beginning
I opened my mouth, but no words came out of them. It was almost like I was speechless. My mind all blurred out. But then, I caught up with the moment. The picture all came back to me. I remember. And once again, I opened my mouth and I began to speak softly, and the words came out into the wind and the ears of my friends. I spoke through the rustling of the trees, the sound of the water in the lake and the crackling of the fire, but yet I stood there and spoke softly, and still they heard me. "This is how my story begins." I was ready. As I spoke of my story it became quite. A sudden breeze, and I continued. It was the beginning.
***
“The beginning is the most important part of the work.”
~ Plato
***
“The beginning is the most important part of the work.”
~ Plato
17.1.09
Moonlit Road
It was dark. There wasn't any light except for the moon and the stars that shone brightly in the sky. It was a full moon. Slowly, I was walking down the dirt road. A light breeze was cool. It was quiet. All you hear was the brushing of the trees and the sound of the shore at the lake near by. But wait. There was more sound. A sound very unfamiliar to me. The sound of a bonfire, cracking in the silent. It was getting louder. I was getting closer. I can see the smoke, coming out of the clear sky. The smell of the tree's were growing faint and the smell of the smoke and the water was growing stronger. I was there. They were there. My friends. All five of them, each in their spring coats. Sitting on logs, some of rocks. But what caught my eyes was the majestic bonfire that lit the camp ground. I looked up, and saw the most breath taking scene. The vast lake, stretching as far as the dark horizon. But what caught my eyes was the reflection on the lake. It was tall. But how come I never noticed it as I was coming from the woods? But it didn't matter. It was stunning. It was the Mountain. You can see the peek of the mountain, white. There was snow.
I looked at my watch. it was already midnight.
"Josh...Are you ready"
I looked behind me. And saw the fire burning. I sat down on the log, I looked across me and saw the moonlit road.
"Are we all here?"
Indeed we were. There was 6 of us now, 3 boys, 3 girls. I looked out more into the distant, where only the silhouette of the tree's are visible. I got caught up in the moment. I couldn't see much anymore, the misty breath is fogging up my glasses. I was breathing heavily.
"So...Whose turn is it?"
I knew it was me. My turn to speak. But I was waiting. Waiting for them to give me the sign.
"It's you Josh..."
I looked up at her face. She was on the side, away from the fire. All I saw was the shadow of her body. It was dark. But the moon light shone on her face, I saw her eyes. She looked back at me, and handed me a piece of paper. I took it from her, and slowly, I read it. I was lost in my thoughts, but I was focused. I knew now what I was going to say. I threw the paper into the fire, and watched it burn, into ashes. Watched it until it was gone. I looked up, looked around. They looked up, all the eyes around me were now looking at me. It was time.
I looked at my watch. it was already midnight.
"Josh...Are you ready"
I looked behind me. And saw the fire burning. I sat down on the log, I looked across me and saw the moonlit road.
"Are we all here?"
Indeed we were. There was 6 of us now, 3 boys, 3 girls. I looked out more into the distant, where only the silhouette of the tree's are visible. I got caught up in the moment. I couldn't see much anymore, the misty breath is fogging up my glasses. I was breathing heavily.
"So...Whose turn is it?"
I knew it was me. My turn to speak. But I was waiting. Waiting for them to give me the sign.
"It's you Josh..."
I looked up at her face. She was on the side, away from the fire. All I saw was the shadow of her body. It was dark. But the moon light shone on her face, I saw her eyes. She looked back at me, and handed me a piece of paper. I took it from her, and slowly, I read it. I was lost in my thoughts, but I was focused. I knew now what I was going to say. I threw the paper into the fire, and watched it burn, into ashes. Watched it until it was gone. I looked up, looked around. They looked up, all the eyes around me were now looking at me. It was time.
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