Chapter 1||Fear

All I had in my hand was a pencil. It's Friday Morning. In front of me is the test paper. Write an essay on what you think the speech is trying to tell its audience. It was all jumbled up in my head, I knew what to write, but I didn't know how to begin it. I guess that's how most writers start off as. I looked down on my watch, 11:45. I only have 15 minutes left, and my paper was still blank. I looked at it very carefully, scrutinizing every word.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." It was originally written by Marianne Williamson, but Nelson Mandela spoke the words with audacity on his inauguration on 1994 in South Africa, being the first coloured man to become president in that country.

As I re-read the quote I begin to wonder what it means. Finally, I knew what to write. I wrote something down, wasn't sure that I might get full marks for it, but still, my pencil scratched the paper with the word. It was already time to hand in the paper. As I stood and walked up to the teachers desk, taking a glance at the other students as I walked on by, Some had a lot to write.. I was at his desk. He stared at my paper, He looked up at me and gave me a small grin. I smiled back.

Before I walked out the door, he called out for me.

"Josh," he said, his voice was clam, yet so demanding. "stay for a bit, I need to a word with you."
"Yes, sir." I answered back. I stayed until everyone else was gone. He stood up. Walked up to the board and wrote down the word "TREPIDATION" one word that give out many meanings. Of course, at an instant I recognized the word. It was the one word on my essay paper.

He laughed, I smiled. Doctor Taggart was the english teacher of my school, he was favoured by most students, he was nice and of course he wanted the best for his students. Anyways, The word "trepidation" long yes I know, but very appropriate for my meaning on the piece.
"Josh, you are one of the most brilliant students, I taught in all my teaching career, you know that right?"
"No, sir, I'm afraid I don't."
"I can see that Josh, but trust me, with your potential you will go a long way in your life."
"Thank you, Sir...But what does that have to do with the essay?"
"I Think you already know Josh. How many students your age could have even used that word, let alone even know what the word means...I'm not saying your a super genius Josh and I'm not saying your the only one your age that knows that word,I'm saying, you think differently than most other, you're perceptive of other people and their works give you something that tells you, who you really are," He sometimes talks quite immaturely, but that's what makes us all human now. "the only reason why I purposely picked this certain piece, is to see if people get the message inside their heads."
"I see sir, but why are you only talking to me? I mean, shouldn't you talk to others as well?"
"I picked you for a reason Josh, I looked at the other peoples paper and they did not talk about the true meaning of what Nelson Mandela or what Marianne Williamson is trying to say. This Sunday Josh, I want you to attend the contest. Let's say its more like an Oratorical Contest, Josh, I want you to sign up and give a speech to the people. The topic of the speech is "Fear", and I want you to represent this school."
"But sir, I don't want to, I can't do public speaking."
"This will give you a good opportunity to face that fear. This is exactly what we're talking right now. And besides, Universities will be there, they might even consider taking you as a scholar."

I tried to protest, but it was no use. He gave out to much good points. It was settled, I had to attend the oratorical speech and speak out about what fear is. I thought to myself, it will be a good opportunity.

It was now Saturday. A day in my life that I will never forget. It was that day that I met someone, on a rainy day, down an empty road. All I saw was the houses and the raindrops dropping down on the ground, the sky was gray, the sun was gone. It was about 1:00 when I saw her, sitting on a curb. Someone who will change my ways of living. Someone who will give a definition of fear.